Day 13-20

Day 13: Sunday, May 8th, Mother's Day
Another negative test. Spent the morning with Jen & her dad fishing, trying to keep that chin up. After returning home, I went to Walmart and got a few things for home and roses. Went to Mom's plot, placed a yellow rose for her and a pastel yellow rose in honor of her future grandchild, asking her to help us along this week. Then I went to Gram's plot. There I left a dark pink rose for her and a light pink rose in honor of her future great-grandchild. The rest of the day was spent with Jen's family. I took another test when we got home and it was still negative. Jen said to be sure to call the doctor. I will! However, I will pray for a positive test in the morning too.

Day 14: Monday, May 9th
Negative test. Kind of bummed. Jen left early for Portland so I walked to school. Went to see R.K to see if I could get a ride to the Y. She asked if I tested positive, I said no and was trying not to stress. I called Dr.B's office right at 9am. I told the nurse the sperm would be arriving today but I still hadn't surged. I wanted some words of assurance or some plan of action but all she said was "good luck". I rode with R.K to the Y, we talked about the time frame and how Jen was freaking out but I was suppose to remain calm. R.K did point out that it was only Monday, we had the whole week, something will happen. Got back from an awesome workout and took another test...negative!

Day 15: Tuesday, May 10th
Negative test to start the day. What a way to start the morning. Jen said the line was a little darker...she's totally lying. I dug the other one out of the trash...no difference! Walked into school again my mind only thinking about surging. I had a busy day with a rehearsal til 4:30 so I'd hoped to keep my mind busy too. Not so much...my few friends who knew checking in...still nothing all I have to report. Got an e-mail from D.C about what's going on...I kind of like that she doesn't know because I'm sure it's eating her up. Kept busy when I got home from school. Took another test...negative. Maybe tomorrow.

Day 16: Wednesday, May 11th
My mom died 2 months and 5 days before her 35th birthday...in 2 months and 5 days I will be 35. So instead of stressing over ANOTHER negative test. I'm going to be greatful to be alive, healthy and loved. I'm in such a better place that my mom was and living a life more fulfilled with hers with the exception of the one thing she loved the most...her own children. At school S.J and I talked a lot. They reassured me not to stress. R.K "still nothing"....I told her we were going to go anyway...might as well, we paid for the stuff. S.K questioned with a thumbs up or thumbs down...we talked for a sec...he said go anyway and hope for the best. Went through my day praying I'd surge soon. Took a test when I got home...negative...still. I kept busy, made supper for when Jen got home then went to the Y. Tomorrow's it...if the doctor will still do it.

Day 17: Thursday, May 12th
NEGATIVE!!!! All I thought about all morning was calling the doctor. I wanted to call as soon as 9am hit, my class was late, but I held off until after work. I stepped outside at 11:30 and it was so windy I couldn't make a call. So I started walking fast. I got just beyond the tax place and a car pulls up. It was M.L...I wanted to cry. A 40 minute journey home turned into 5 minutes. I got right on the phone with the Dr's office. The nurse wasn't available so I left a message and thought, what the hell, I'll go take a test. The line was significantly darker! I text a pic to Jen...she left work. The nurse called back, said I was on my way to a surge so we'd inseminate tomorrow. I asked her that since we have to do back to back why not do one today. She agreed and transfered me to the front desk to schedule a time. 2:15! I text a bunch of people...everyone was excited and questioned if I surged or just going in. I was so thrilled. I paced around the house until Jen got home then watched her eat, played on the ipod until finally we left.

There was a new receptionist at the Dr's office but she was cool. Jen & I had to sign an IUI contract. We returned to our seats and over the radio was "Calling All Angels". Mom was there with me. The nurse called us in...my heart fluttered. We went around to the back of the clinic in a large room. She talked us through the procedure real quick, had me undress and wait for the Dr. Moments later Dr. B came in "We are just surging all over the place". I assumed the position. She inserted the speculum first, said my cervix was a little high but she'd try to do it without the tenaculum because I was a little bit dialated. When that didn't work she asked for a longer, not wider, speculum and the tenaculum. On the count of 3 I had to cough and she'd grab on to my cervix. 1, 2, 3 cough...holy shit that hurt. I grabbed Jen's hand. Dr. B knew it was uncomfortable. I said it's okay, I had a good hand to hold. She said I'd feel awkward upward pressure...I guess so. I closed me eyes and squeezed Jen's hand. I felt a little pinch, that was the IUI. Done. I had to lay on the table for 20 minutes with a pillow under my hips. Jen text a bunch of people to let them know we were done. Jen should not be left alone in a room for that long. She was reading the warning label on a fetal monitor. When I told her what that was she said "I didn't know my feet had a heartbeat". Jen explained the tools Dr. B used...sounded scary, so glad I couldn't see. The nurse came back in asked if I had a pad because I'd probably have some light bleeding and cramping, that was perfectly normal. The nurse said to call again tomorrow if I surged. I asked if I could just make an appointment. She said that was a good idea and cancel if need be...I don't plan on canceling!

We checked out of there and zoomed off to my eye doctor's appointment then off to Walmart. On our way out we stopped and talked to Jenny. She hugged me so tight she wouldn't let go. We didn't get to talk long before she had to go back to work. She kissed me and hugged Jen. At Walmart we did go through the baby section. We found the travel system we like, the swing and the highchair we like, and bought a little stuffed giraffe. On the way home R.K text us about celebrating. We decided to head right to CPG. I had my last beer to celebrate. R.K joined us around 6pm. We told her all about the procedure and talked about baby names. She loves Emilyn Corinne....we do too and it's so meaningful. Emi/Emma because we like the name, Lyn for Lynda and Jen's middle name, and Corinne for Jen's mom's middle name. S.K joined us around 7:30...he gave me a big hug and was all smiles. I love that we have such great friends to celebrate with.

Day 18: Friday, May 13th:
100% POSITIVE!!! I woke at 3am, excited I guess, I couldn't sleep and badly had to pee. I thought if I got up early enough then I could still take a test before work. 7am...instant line...I was so excited, I hugged Jen, brought the test downstairs and took a picture, text it to R.K...she was so excited.

I had a smile on my face all day and couldn't wait for my morning to be over. Jen picked me up at work and we were way early for the appointment so we made a stop at Bull Moose. At the doctor's office we waited a little longer but still got in at a decent time. I was so nervous only because I knew the discomfort from the procedure so I was not looking forward to that. We headed to a room closer to the office and a little smaller too. I undressed, laid on the table and before long Dr. B came through the door "here we go again". She asked if I had spotting. I said it was more like light bleeding. She was that was normal and from the cervix, not the uterus. I told her I was bloated, she said "I didn't do that to you". She had me tilt my hips forward, inserted the speculum, asked if we had any plans for the weekend. Said she was going to try without the tenaculum first. Explained there was some brown discharge in there, a combination of old blood and cervical mucus....GROSS! I told her it was suppose to be rainy so we didn't really have any plans. She said there was always something you could find to do "hey look at that". I was looking around the room. She had inserted the IUI on the first try. I was so happy she didn't have to use the scissors of pain. I felt a little pressure and it was over. She said she hoped the next time she heard from me it will be with good news. The nurse put the pillow under my hips and the 20 minute wait began. Jen leaned up and kissed me then we proceeded to talk and be silly. The nurse came in saying she made me lay there a little longer today. I asked when to take a test. She said some people take one after 4-5 days but they like us to wait the two weeks or the first day of my missed period...blah blah blah Beta....blah blah blah Hgc. We headed out, dropped $270 at the desk and went to lunch.

We threw around the idea of a nap but decided to get our grocery shopping done and head home to get the house picked up. After that was all done, we chilled out in the living room. I put a heating pad on my tummy and prayed this would take. Around 4, R.K text to ask if we had celebrated yet. She invited us over for a BBQ. Jen whipped up a potato salad and cole slaw. We headed over around 6:30. As we walked in R.K said "Hi possibly pregnant person". We sat around the table looking at boy baby names. Renee threw some chicken on the grill around 8pm. We went out to join her and M.T walks by. I went and caught up with her for a bit. We ate and soon S.K was home...all giddy. They both were in fact. R.K made a few comments about how excited she was for us and look at us now. I love having them in our lives and in our baby's life.

Day 19: Saturday, May 14th
It felt so good not to have to take a test today. We had a pretty low key morning. I made us breakfast, we went for haircuts then called Aunt K. She's very excited for us. We talked almost 2 hours. Jen grilled steak and corn for our lunch then we watched a movie. I went and laid on Jen for a little while and she started singing the moon song. When she got to the end she changed "see" to "meet". I started to cry because it was so sweet. When she realized I was crying she teared up!!!! I asked her why she was crying and she said because she was happy. It was a nice moment. We headed to CPG and caught up with Benny and J.R, sang a few tunes, and headed home around 11pm. My jeans felt very tight...I hope it's a good sign.

Day 20: Sunday, May 15th
Slept in this morning...felt good. Went to Hannaford for pizza stuff and to return a movie. Had another low key day with the exception of working on All State stuff. I was crampy (in a good way) all day. Jen pointed out I was peeing a lot too. Oh I hope these are all good signs...I am so excited but I am trying not to be over optimistic.