Day 30: Wednesday, May 25, 2011
In a much better mood today. I think the sun helps too! Cramps are gone but I still feel bloated. I'm trying to be optimistic.
Day 31: Thursday, May 26, 2011
Other than being tired and cranky, I tried to keep an open mind and hope for the best tomorrow. Well, before classes started in Bradley this morning, I went to the bathroom. Brownish tint...that's not good. A few hours late after arriving in Milford went again...liner had obvious spotting. I text Jen immediately. She and I almost immediately said "implantation bleeding". We are trying to find anything to keep us believing. I am trying to stay positive but I have a horrible feeling that this isn't my lucky month.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Day 29
Day 29: Tuesday, May 24
What a weepy day! I cried at the drop of a hat all day. This morning after bringing Jen to Bangor I watched last week's Glee while eating breakfast. It was an episode about a funeral but it was the song "Pure Imagination" that killed me. It was almost like a lullaby I'd never sing to my child I'm never going to have. Then at school I saw R,K. She asked how I was feeling so I shared that we took a test. I was fighting back tears. She didn't have anything to say. I felt so down all day and the kids didn't help my mood! I'm so worried about this concert! Then I had the fuck-its so I decided to clean my office. I went to lunch where J.B. and I had a chat about my test. She said it is best to take it in the morning and wait a few more days. I'm waiting until Friday! Again, fighting back tears. I went back to my room and played "Calling All Angels", post it to facebook and she a few tears. That got me through my day. Took several trips to the bathroom today too...cramps, bloating, PMS-like symptoms but all that was there was mucous...good sign? When I got home, I laid on the bed and talked to the baby that didn't bless us this month. Had a good cry and went about my business. As I was doing housework I was watching Oprah. There was Kristen Chenoweth performing "For Good"...Oprah cried, I cried. I went to pick up Jen, I forgot to reply to her text and left my phone at home so her first words were "Can't reply to my text?"...I wanted to burst into tears. About halfway home she asked why I was being grumpy....cue the tears! I pulled into KFC and ordered us supper...Jen rubbed my back...I needed her touch. I fought back tears through supper but we kept the conversation light. We watched Idol cuddled on the couch. Tomorrow is a new day...one more day for my body to figure out what the hell it wants to do. Goodness my boobs hurt!
What a weepy day! I cried at the drop of a hat all day. This morning after bringing Jen to Bangor I watched last week's Glee while eating breakfast. It was an episode about a funeral but it was the song "Pure Imagination" that killed me. It was almost like a lullaby I'd never sing to my child I'm never going to have. Then at school I saw R,K. She asked how I was feeling so I shared that we took a test. I was fighting back tears. She didn't have anything to say. I felt so down all day and the kids didn't help my mood! I'm so worried about this concert! Then I had the fuck-its so I decided to clean my office. I went to lunch where J.B. and I had a chat about my test. She said it is best to take it in the morning and wait a few more days. I'm waiting until Friday! Again, fighting back tears. I went back to my room and played "Calling All Angels", post it to facebook and she a few tears. That got me through my day. Took several trips to the bathroom today too...cramps, bloating, PMS-like symptoms but all that was there was mucous...good sign? When I got home, I laid on the bed and talked to the baby that didn't bless us this month. Had a good cry and went about my business. As I was doing housework I was watching Oprah. There was Kristen Chenoweth performing "For Good"...Oprah cried, I cried. I went to pick up Jen, I forgot to reply to her text and left my phone at home so her first words were "Can't reply to my text?"...I wanted to burst into tears. About halfway home she asked why I was being grumpy....cue the tears! I pulled into KFC and ordered us supper...Jen rubbed my back...I needed her touch. I fought back tears through supper but we kept the conversation light. We watched Idol cuddled on the couch. Tomorrow is a new day...one more day for my body to figure out what the hell it wants to do. Goodness my boobs hurt!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Day 26, 27 & 28
Day 26 & 27: Saturday, May 21 & Sunday, May 22, 2011
Well, the end of the world didn't happen. Happy No Rapture! I have things to do. Had Hunter's birthday in the rain and a bbq in the rain. The best part of the day was the ride around the loop. I was crabby all day Saturday and then just tired and crabby Sunday. This week needs to be over with fast!
Day 28: Monday, May 23, 2011
Michelle text me today...that was random. Asked how I was feeling and when my period was suppose to start. I told her my symptoms and she said that's what she had when she was pregnant both times. I talked to a few people today "prepare for the worst, hope for the best"...not sure what to do now?
When Jen got home she started talking about a pregnancy test. Before long we were reading about it and then after supper we went and bought one. I wanted to wait til 8pm to take it but she wanted it over with. She kept saying not to freak out...easier said than done. I peed, I dipped, we waited. Jen checked it...don't freak out...only one line...negative. I started to cry. We sat on the couch for a while. How could I help it...I was trying to be positive but the test wasn't. What the hell did I do wrong? Was it not timed well enough? Did the sperm sit to long? Did I tell to many people? The only words I squeaked out were "I was hoping our good luck would continue." Jen text Michelle and she said she took those tests for weeks before anything showed up and I really should wait until I miss my period. Jen calmed me down and we finished "The Karate Kid". How am I suppose to get through the week now? I liked the idea of waiting til Friday better! We test again Friday...please Dear God, let this be my time!
Well, the end of the world didn't happen. Happy No Rapture! I have things to do. Had Hunter's birthday in the rain and a bbq in the rain. The best part of the day was the ride around the loop. I was crabby all day Saturday and then just tired and crabby Sunday. This week needs to be over with fast!
Day 28: Monday, May 23, 2011
Michelle text me today...that was random. Asked how I was feeling and when my period was suppose to start. I told her my symptoms and she said that's what she had when she was pregnant both times. I talked to a few people today "prepare for the worst, hope for the best"...not sure what to do now?
When Jen got home she started talking about a pregnancy test. Before long we were reading about it and then after supper we went and bought one. I wanted to wait til 8pm to take it but she wanted it over with. She kept saying not to freak out...easier said than done. I peed, I dipped, we waited. Jen checked it...don't freak out...only one line...negative. I started to cry. We sat on the couch for a while. How could I help it...I was trying to be positive but the test wasn't. What the hell did I do wrong? Was it not timed well enough? Did the sperm sit to long? Did I tell to many people? The only words I squeaked out were "I was hoping our good luck would continue." Jen text Michelle and she said she took those tests for weeks before anything showed up and I really should wait until I miss my period. Jen calmed me down and we finished "The Karate Kid". How am I suppose to get through the week now? I liked the idea of waiting til Friday better! We test again Friday...please Dear God, let this be my time!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Day 23-25
Day 23-25: Wednesday, May 18th-20th
Well, the cramping is coming and going. I've been pretty busy so I haven't noticed as much either. I'm still optimistic although I had a horrid dream last night. I went to Dr.'s office for a check up. The nurse was talking about how things were looking good but one of the nurses gave her notice because she didn't like the atomosphere. I got reassurance that Dr. B did the procedure, not the nurse. She said yes and that my counts looked really good. Then she proceeded to do a physical. She pushed on my pelvic area and the look on her face indicated I was pregnant. Then she moved up toward my waist and jammed her fist into my mid-section. I cried and let out a big breath. She leaned in and said "When mom told you to loose weight before pregnancy she meant it!" Then she arranged for a tummy tuck to remove the excess fat in my waist. I bolted out of there scared and didn't even pay. I jumped into a helicopter at the gas station around the corner from North El. (I love how dreams get twisted). When the helicopter had no room to get around the wires, I bounced it up Jewett St. where PreK was dressed in monkey costumes. I decided to head to the fairgrouds to take off but not before helping Michelle and Pete serve lunch to the PK class. Pete had a chicken salad club...it looked real good...I woke from the dream wanting one!
So we have one week to wait. I'm getting nervous and excited. These cramps must mean something. Then I try to not get my hopes up. Then I think "I could be pregnant". Then I think "I may not be, where are we going to get the other $700 to have another insemination?" But stress I won't until I need to.
Well, the cramping is coming and going. I've been pretty busy so I haven't noticed as much either. I'm still optimistic although I had a horrid dream last night. I went to Dr.'s office for a check up. The nurse was talking about how things were looking good but one of the nurses gave her notice because she didn't like the atomosphere. I got reassurance that Dr. B did the procedure, not the nurse. She said yes and that my counts looked really good. Then she proceeded to do a physical. She pushed on my pelvic area and the look on her face indicated I was pregnant. Then she moved up toward my waist and jammed her fist into my mid-section. I cried and let out a big breath. She leaned in and said "When mom told you to loose weight before pregnancy she meant it!" Then she arranged for a tummy tuck to remove the excess fat in my waist. I bolted out of there scared and didn't even pay. I jumped into a helicopter at the gas station around the corner from North El. (I love how dreams get twisted). When the helicopter had no room to get around the wires, I bounced it up Jewett St. where PreK was dressed in monkey costumes. I decided to head to the fairgrouds to take off but not before helping Michelle and Pete serve lunch to the PK class. Pete had a chicken salad club...it looked real good...I woke from the dream wanting one!
So we have one week to wait. I'm getting nervous and excited. These cramps must mean something. Then I try to not get my hopes up. Then I think "I could be pregnant". Then I think "I may not be, where are we going to get the other $700 to have another insemination?" But stress I won't until I need to.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Day 21 & 22
Monday, May 16th & Tuesday, May 17th:
Despite what I've read and what people are saying, I think I'm pregnant. I've had weird cramps, different than PMS cramps all day Monday and today. I'm tired, I have a headache. I can't sleep on my stomach comfortably and I'm peeing alot. Maybe it's all in my head and Renee is right, there is no way emotionally do deal with what the outcome will be in 10 days, but the signs are growing. I hope a baby is growing in there too. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Jen said I have to not read the online blogs and forums, but I've been doing it all along so I will continue. I love hearing other peoples experiences. Like Jean said, everyone experiences something different. So, if I get a positive test in 10 days...phooy on all you nay-sayers. If I get a negative test...we do it all over again.
Despite what I've read and what people are saying, I think I'm pregnant. I've had weird cramps, different than PMS cramps all day Monday and today. I'm tired, I have a headache. I can't sleep on my stomach comfortably and I'm peeing alot. Maybe it's all in my head and Renee is right, there is no way emotionally do deal with what the outcome will be in 10 days, but the signs are growing. I hope a baby is growing in there too. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Jen said I have to not read the online blogs and forums, but I've been doing it all along so I will continue. I love hearing other peoples experiences. Like Jean said, everyone experiences something different. So, if I get a positive test in 10 days...phooy on all you nay-sayers. If I get a negative test...we do it all over again.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 13-20
Day 13: Sunday, May 8th, Mother's Day
Another negative test. Spent the morning with Jen & her dad fishing, trying to keep that chin up. After returning home, I went to Walmart and got a few things for home and roses. Went to Mom's plot, placed a yellow rose for her and a pastel yellow rose in honor of her future grandchild, asking her to help us along this week. Then I went to Gram's plot. There I left a dark pink rose for her and a light pink rose in honor of her future great-grandchild. The rest of the day was spent with Jen's family. I took another test when we got home and it was still negative. Jen said to be sure to call the doctor. I will! However, I will pray for a positive test in the morning too.
Day 14: Monday, May 9th
Negative test. Kind of bummed. Jen left early for Portland so I walked to school. Went to see R.K to see if I could get a ride to the Y. She asked if I tested positive, I said no and was trying not to stress. I called Dr.B's office right at 9am. I told the nurse the sperm would be arriving today but I still hadn't surged. I wanted some words of assurance or some plan of action but all she said was "good luck". I rode with R.K to the Y, we talked about the time frame and how Jen was freaking out but I was suppose to remain calm. R.K did point out that it was only Monday, we had the whole week, something will happen. Got back from an awesome workout and took another test...negative!
Day 15: Tuesday, May 10th
Negative test to start the day. What a way to start the morning. Jen said the line was a little darker...she's totally lying. I dug the other one out of the trash...no difference! Walked into school again my mind only thinking about surging. I had a busy day with a rehearsal til 4:30 so I'd hoped to keep my mind busy too. Not so much...my few friends who knew checking in...still nothing all I have to report. Got an e-mail from D.C about what's going on...I kind of like that she doesn't know because I'm sure it's eating her up. Kept busy when I got home from school. Took another test...negative. Maybe tomorrow.
Day 16: Wednesday, May 11th
My mom died 2 months and 5 days before her 35th birthday...in 2 months and 5 days I will be 35. So instead of stressing over ANOTHER negative test. I'm going to be greatful to be alive, healthy and loved. I'm in such a better place that my mom was and living a life more fulfilled with hers with the exception of the one thing she loved the most...her own children. At school S.J and I talked a lot. They reassured me not to stress. R.K "still nothing"....I told her we were going to go anyway...might as well, we paid for the stuff. S.K questioned with a thumbs up or thumbs down...we talked for a sec...he said go anyway and hope for the best. Went through my day praying I'd surge soon. Took a test when I got home...negative...still. I kept busy, made supper for when Jen got home then went to the Y. Tomorrow's it...if the doctor will still do it.
Day 17: Thursday, May 12th
NEGATIVE!!!! All I thought about all morning was calling the doctor. I wanted to call as soon as 9am hit, my class was late, but I held off until after work. I stepped outside at 11:30 and it was so windy I couldn't make a call. So I started walking fast. I got just beyond the tax place and a car pulls up. It was M.L...I wanted to cry. A 40 minute journey home turned into 5 minutes. I got right on the phone with the Dr's office. The nurse wasn't available so I left a message and thought, what the hell, I'll go take a test. The line was significantly darker! I text a pic to Jen...she left work. The nurse called back, said I was on my way to a surge so we'd inseminate tomorrow. I asked her that since we have to do back to back why not do one today. She agreed and transfered me to the front desk to schedule a time. 2:15! I text a bunch of people...everyone was excited and questioned if I surged or just going in. I was so thrilled. I paced around the house until Jen got home then watched her eat, played on the ipod until finally we left.
There was a new receptionist at the Dr's office but she was cool. Jen & I had to sign an IUI contract. We returned to our seats and over the radio was "Calling All Angels". Mom was there with me. The nurse called us in...my heart fluttered. We went around to the back of the clinic in a large room. She talked us through the procedure real quick, had me undress and wait for the Dr. Moments later Dr. B came in "We are just surging all over the place". I assumed the position. She inserted the speculum first, said my cervix was a little high but she'd try to do it without the tenaculum because I was a little bit dialated. When that didn't work she asked for a longer, not wider, speculum and the tenaculum. On the count of 3 I had to cough and she'd grab on to my cervix. 1, 2, 3 cough...holy shit that hurt. I grabbed Jen's hand. Dr. B knew it was uncomfortable. I said it's okay, I had a good hand to hold. She said I'd feel awkward upward pressure...I guess so. I closed me eyes and squeezed Jen's hand. I felt a little pinch, that was the IUI. Done. I had to lay on the table for 20 minutes with a pillow under my hips. Jen text a bunch of people to let them know we were done. Jen should not be left alone in a room for that long. She was reading the warning label on a fetal monitor. When I told her what that was she said "I didn't know my feet had a heartbeat". Jen explained the tools Dr. B used...sounded scary, so glad I couldn't see. The nurse came back in asked if I had a pad because I'd probably have some light bleeding and cramping, that was perfectly normal. The nurse said to call again tomorrow if I surged. I asked if I could just make an appointment. She said that was a good idea and cancel if need be...I don't plan on canceling!
We checked out of there and zoomed off to my eye doctor's appointment then off to Walmart. On our way out we stopped and talked to Jenny. She hugged me so tight she wouldn't let go. We didn't get to talk long before she had to go back to work. She kissed me and hugged Jen. At Walmart we did go through the baby section. We found the travel system we like, the swing and the highchair we like, and bought a little stuffed giraffe. On the way home R.K text us about celebrating. We decided to head right to CPG. I had my last beer to celebrate. R.K joined us around 6pm. We told her all about the procedure and talked about baby names. She loves Emilyn Corinne....we do too and it's so meaningful. Emi/Emma because we like the name, Lyn for Lynda and Jen's middle name, and Corinne for Jen's mom's middle name. S.K joined us around 7:30...he gave me a big hug and was all smiles. I love that we have such great friends to celebrate with.
Day 18: Friday, May 13th:
100% POSITIVE!!! I woke at 3am, excited I guess, I couldn't sleep and badly had to pee. I thought if I got up early enough then I could still take a test before work. 7am...instant line...I was so excited, I hugged Jen, brought the test downstairs and took a picture, text it to R.K...she was so excited.
I had a smile on my face all day and couldn't wait for my morning to be over. Jen picked me up at work and we were way early for the appointment so we made a stop at Bull Moose. At the doctor's office we waited a little longer but still got in at a decent time. I was so nervous only because I knew the discomfort from the procedure so I was not looking forward to that. We headed to a room closer to the office and a little smaller too. I undressed, laid on the table and before long Dr. B came through the door "here we go again". She asked if I had spotting. I said it was more like light bleeding. She was that was normal and from the cervix, not the uterus. I told her I was bloated, she said "I didn't do that to you". She had me tilt my hips forward, inserted the speculum, asked if we had any plans for the weekend. Said she was going to try without the tenaculum first. Explained there was some brown discharge in there, a combination of old blood and cervical mucus....GROSS! I told her it was suppose to be rainy so we didn't really have any plans. She said there was always something you could find to do "hey look at that". I was looking around the room. She had inserted the IUI on the first try. I was so happy she didn't have to use the scissors of pain. I felt a little pressure and it was over. She said she hoped the next time she heard from me it will be with good news. The nurse put the pillow under my hips and the 20 minute wait began. Jen leaned up and kissed me then we proceeded to talk and be silly. The nurse came in saying she made me lay there a little longer today. I asked when to take a test. She said some people take one after 4-5 days but they like us to wait the two weeks or the first day of my missed period...blah blah blah Beta....blah blah blah Hgc. We headed out, dropped $270 at the desk and went to lunch.
We threw around the idea of a nap but decided to get our grocery shopping done and head home to get the house picked up. After that was all done, we chilled out in the living room. I put a heating pad on my tummy and prayed this would take. Around 4, R.K text to ask if we had celebrated yet. She invited us over for a BBQ. Jen whipped up a potato salad and cole slaw. We headed over around 6:30. As we walked in R.K said "Hi possibly pregnant person". We sat around the table looking at boy baby names. Renee threw some chicken on the grill around 8pm. We went out to join her and M.T walks by. I went and caught up with her for a bit. We ate and soon S.K was home...all giddy. They both were in fact. R.K made a few comments about how excited she was for us and look at us now. I love having them in our lives and in our baby's life.
Day 19: Saturday, May 14th
It felt so good not to have to take a test today. We had a pretty low key morning. I made us breakfast, we went for haircuts then called Aunt K. She's very excited for us. We talked almost 2 hours. Jen grilled steak and corn for our lunch then we watched a movie. I went and laid on Jen for a little while and she started singing the moon song. When she got to the end she changed "see" to "meet". I started to cry because it was so sweet. When she realized I was crying she teared up!!!! I asked her why she was crying and she said because she was happy. It was a nice moment. We headed to CPG and caught up with Benny and J.R, sang a few tunes, and headed home around 11pm. My jeans felt very tight...I hope it's a good sign.
Day 20: Sunday, May 15th
Slept in this morning...felt good. Went to Hannaford for pizza stuff and to return a movie. Had another low key day with the exception of working on All State stuff. I was crampy (in a good way) all day. Jen pointed out I was peeing a lot too. Oh I hope these are all good signs...I am so excited but I am trying not to be over optimistic.
Another negative test. Spent the morning with Jen & her dad fishing, trying to keep that chin up. After returning home, I went to Walmart and got a few things for home and roses. Went to Mom's plot, placed a yellow rose for her and a pastel yellow rose in honor of her future grandchild, asking her to help us along this week. Then I went to Gram's plot. There I left a dark pink rose for her and a light pink rose in honor of her future great-grandchild. The rest of the day was spent with Jen's family. I took another test when we got home and it was still negative. Jen said to be sure to call the doctor. I will! However, I will pray for a positive test in the morning too.
Day 14: Monday, May 9th
Negative test. Kind of bummed. Jen left early for Portland so I walked to school. Went to see R.K to see if I could get a ride to the Y. She asked if I tested positive, I said no and was trying not to stress. I called Dr.B's office right at 9am. I told the nurse the sperm would be arriving today but I still hadn't surged. I wanted some words of assurance or some plan of action but all she said was "good luck". I rode with R.K to the Y, we talked about the time frame and how Jen was freaking out but I was suppose to remain calm. R.K did point out that it was only Monday, we had the whole week, something will happen. Got back from an awesome workout and took another test...negative!
Day 15: Tuesday, May 10th
Negative test to start the day. What a way to start the morning. Jen said the line was a little darker...she's totally lying. I dug the other one out of the trash...no difference! Walked into school again my mind only thinking about surging. I had a busy day with a rehearsal til 4:30 so I'd hoped to keep my mind busy too. Not so much...my few friends who knew checking in...still nothing all I have to report. Got an e-mail from D.C about what's going on...I kind of like that she doesn't know because I'm sure it's eating her up. Kept busy when I got home from school. Took another test...negative. Maybe tomorrow.
Day 16: Wednesday, May 11th
My mom died 2 months and 5 days before her 35th birthday...in 2 months and 5 days I will be 35. So instead of stressing over ANOTHER negative test. I'm going to be greatful to be alive, healthy and loved. I'm in such a better place that my mom was and living a life more fulfilled with hers with the exception of the one thing she loved the most...her own children. At school S.J and I talked a lot. They reassured me not to stress. R.K "still nothing"....I told her we were going to go anyway...might as well, we paid for the stuff. S.K questioned with a thumbs up or thumbs down...we talked for a sec...he said go anyway and hope for the best. Went through my day praying I'd surge soon. Took a test when I got home...negative...still. I kept busy, made supper for when Jen got home then went to the Y. Tomorrow's it...if the doctor will still do it.
Day 17: Thursday, May 12th
NEGATIVE!!!! All I thought about all morning was calling the doctor. I wanted to call as soon as 9am hit, my class was late, but I held off until after work. I stepped outside at 11:30 and it was so windy I couldn't make a call. So I started walking fast. I got just beyond the tax place and a car pulls up. It was M.L...I wanted to cry. A 40 minute journey home turned into 5 minutes. I got right on the phone with the Dr's office. The nurse wasn't available so I left a message and thought, what the hell, I'll go take a test. The line was significantly darker! I text a pic to Jen...she left work. The nurse called back, said I was on my way to a surge so we'd inseminate tomorrow. I asked her that since we have to do back to back why not do one today. She agreed and transfered me to the front desk to schedule a time. 2:15! I text a bunch of people...everyone was excited and questioned if I surged or just going in. I was so thrilled. I paced around the house until Jen got home then watched her eat, played on the ipod until finally we left.
There was a new receptionist at the Dr's office but she was cool. Jen & I had to sign an IUI contract. We returned to our seats and over the radio was "Calling All Angels". Mom was there with me. The nurse called us in...my heart fluttered. We went around to the back of the clinic in a large room. She talked us through the procedure real quick, had me undress and wait for the Dr. Moments later Dr. B came in "We are just surging all over the place". I assumed the position. She inserted the speculum first, said my cervix was a little high but she'd try to do it without the tenaculum because I was a little bit dialated. When that didn't work she asked for a longer, not wider, speculum and the tenaculum. On the count of 3 I had to cough and she'd grab on to my cervix. 1, 2, 3 cough...holy shit that hurt. I grabbed Jen's hand. Dr. B knew it was uncomfortable. I said it's okay, I had a good hand to hold. She said I'd feel awkward upward pressure...I guess so. I closed me eyes and squeezed Jen's hand. I felt a little pinch, that was the IUI. Done. I had to lay on the table for 20 minutes with a pillow under my hips. Jen text a bunch of people to let them know we were done. Jen should not be left alone in a room for that long. She was reading the warning label on a fetal monitor. When I told her what that was she said "I didn't know my feet had a heartbeat". Jen explained the tools Dr. B used...sounded scary, so glad I couldn't see. The nurse came back in asked if I had a pad because I'd probably have some light bleeding and cramping, that was perfectly normal. The nurse said to call again tomorrow if I surged. I asked if I could just make an appointment. She said that was a good idea and cancel if need be...I don't plan on canceling!
We checked out of there and zoomed off to my eye doctor's appointment then off to Walmart. On our way out we stopped and talked to Jenny. She hugged me so tight she wouldn't let go. We didn't get to talk long before she had to go back to work. She kissed me and hugged Jen. At Walmart we did go through the baby section. We found the travel system we like, the swing and the highchair we like, and bought a little stuffed giraffe. On the way home R.K text us about celebrating. We decided to head right to CPG. I had my last beer to celebrate. R.K joined us around 6pm. We told her all about the procedure and talked about baby names. She loves Emilyn Corinne....we do too and it's so meaningful. Emi/Emma because we like the name, Lyn for Lynda and Jen's middle name, and Corinne for Jen's mom's middle name. S.K joined us around 7:30...he gave me a big hug and was all smiles. I love that we have such great friends to celebrate with.
Day 18: Friday, May 13th:
100% POSITIVE!!! I woke at 3am, excited I guess, I couldn't sleep and badly had to pee. I thought if I got up early enough then I could still take a test before work. 7am...instant line...I was so excited, I hugged Jen, brought the test downstairs and took a picture, text it to R.K...she was so excited.
I had a smile on my face all day and couldn't wait for my morning to be over. Jen picked me up at work and we were way early for the appointment so we made a stop at Bull Moose. At the doctor's office we waited a little longer but still got in at a decent time. I was so nervous only because I knew the discomfort from the procedure so I was not looking forward to that. We headed to a room closer to the office and a little smaller too. I undressed, laid on the table and before long Dr. B came through the door "here we go again". She asked if I had spotting. I said it was more like light bleeding. She was that was normal and from the cervix, not the uterus. I told her I was bloated, she said "I didn't do that to you". She had me tilt my hips forward, inserted the speculum, asked if we had any plans for the weekend. Said she was going to try without the tenaculum first. Explained there was some brown discharge in there, a combination of old blood and cervical mucus....GROSS! I told her it was suppose to be rainy so we didn't really have any plans. She said there was always something you could find to do "hey look at that". I was looking around the room. She had inserted the IUI on the first try. I was so happy she didn't have to use the scissors of pain. I felt a little pressure and it was over. She said she hoped the next time she heard from me it will be with good news. The nurse put the pillow under my hips and the 20 minute wait began. Jen leaned up and kissed me then we proceeded to talk and be silly. The nurse came in saying she made me lay there a little longer today. I asked when to take a test. She said some people take one after 4-5 days but they like us to wait the two weeks or the first day of my missed period...blah blah blah Beta....blah blah blah Hgc. We headed out, dropped $270 at the desk and went to lunch.
We threw around the idea of a nap but decided to get our grocery shopping done and head home to get the house picked up. After that was all done, we chilled out in the living room. I put a heating pad on my tummy and prayed this would take. Around 4, R.K text to ask if we had celebrated yet. She invited us over for a BBQ. Jen whipped up a potato salad and cole slaw. We headed over around 6:30. As we walked in R.K said "Hi possibly pregnant person". We sat around the table looking at boy baby names. Renee threw some chicken on the grill around 8pm. We went out to join her and M.T walks by. I went and caught up with her for a bit. We ate and soon S.K was home...all giddy. They both were in fact. R.K made a few comments about how excited she was for us and look at us now. I love having them in our lives and in our baby's life.
Day 19: Saturday, May 14th
It felt so good not to have to take a test today. We had a pretty low key morning. I made us breakfast, we went for haircuts then called Aunt K. She's very excited for us. We talked almost 2 hours. Jen grilled steak and corn for our lunch then we watched a movie. I went and laid on Jen for a little while and she started singing the moon song. When she got to the end she changed "see" to "meet". I started to cry because it was so sweet. When she realized I was crying she teared up!!!! I asked her why she was crying and she said because she was happy. It was a nice moment. We headed to CPG and caught up with Benny and J.R, sang a few tunes, and headed home around 11pm. My jeans felt very tight...I hope it's a good sign.
Day 20: Sunday, May 15th
Slept in this morning...felt good. Went to Hannaford for pizza stuff and to return a movie. Had another low key day with the exception of working on All State stuff. I was crampy (in a good way) all day. Jen pointed out I was peeing a lot too. Oh I hope these are all good signs...I am so excited but I am trying not to be over optimistic.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Days 6 -12
Days 6-9: May 1st - May 4th: I survived the Clomid cycle. No real mood swings, a few hot flashes, some cramping...here's hoping I have multiple follicles!
Day 11: Friday, May 6th: We were up and off to the hospital for my first ever ultrasound...the internal probe! I almost cried when I saw the ultrasound machine knowing that in a few months we could be seeing our baby on there. There was lots of clicking and typing and probing but it was over quickly. She said I had one follicle on my left side and two on my right side around 10mm. I had no clue what she was talking about. I googled it on my way home...they need to be 20mm and grow at 1-2 mm at day. I love Jen's description of the ultrasound...the moon and craters. She wanted to pull a chair up next to the technician...it was very fascinating to her.
Dr. B's office called while I was in Alton and of course could not access my voice mail. I held my phone until I got into Old Town. The nurse said to call she had my test results. I pulled over in the Y parking lot and chatted. She said ultrasound looked good, call when I surge. I asked her about the timing of our shipment. She got kind of cold and said she couldn't answer that. So I got assertive and said "Can you tell from the ultrasound how soon I'm going to ovulate? Will Clomid make me ovulate sooner than Day 22?". She said I had one follicle measuring 17.5mm x 13.3 mm. Again...the numbers meant nothing. She put me on hold to talk to the doctor. Dr. B said I will probably surge over the weekend so try to have the IUI here by Monday. My heart sank into my feet...MONDAY! I played the what if game and again Nurse Crankypants said "there is no guarentee" but was a little empathetic when I said this was all out of pocket. We talked about a few other details and she said call when we surge and they will fit us in!
I pulled myself together, called home and told Jen to find my account information so I could call CCB and place our order. Jen couldn't believe we were going so soon either. I called CCB, they had us down for 2 ICI vials. Again, I was put on hold, holding my breath and praying the whole time that we would still be able to get the donor we wanted. After 5 minutes that seemed like 5 hours, she confirmed our order, said it would be shipped in the morning and arrive by noon on Monday.
I smiled the whole way to Angelos and Hannaford. Then I hand these pangs of "This could not work". Then I reset my brain...I could be pregnant before the end of the month! I text Jenny & R.K...both very excited for us.
Day 12: Saturday, May 7th: Ovulation test shows a faint line...last time I had a faint line I surged the next day! We could be doing an IUI Monday!!!!
Day 11: Friday, May 6th: We were up and off to the hospital for my first ever ultrasound...the internal probe! I almost cried when I saw the ultrasound machine knowing that in a few months we could be seeing our baby on there. There was lots of clicking and typing and probing but it was over quickly. She said I had one follicle on my left side and two on my right side around 10mm. I had no clue what she was talking about. I googled it on my way home...they need to be 20mm and grow at 1-2 mm at day. I love Jen's description of the ultrasound...the moon and craters. She wanted to pull a chair up next to the technician...it was very fascinating to her.
Dr. B's office called while I was in Alton and of course could not access my voice mail. I held my phone until I got into Old Town. The nurse said to call she had my test results. I pulled over in the Y parking lot and chatted. She said ultrasound looked good, call when I surge. I asked her about the timing of our shipment. She got kind of cold and said she couldn't answer that. So I got assertive and said "Can you tell from the ultrasound how soon I'm going to ovulate? Will Clomid make me ovulate sooner than Day 22?". She said I had one follicle measuring 17.5mm x 13.3 mm. Again...the numbers meant nothing. She put me on hold to talk to the doctor. Dr. B said I will probably surge over the weekend so try to have the IUI here by Monday. My heart sank into my feet...MONDAY! I played the what if game and again Nurse Crankypants said "there is no guarentee" but was a little empathetic when I said this was all out of pocket. We talked about a few other details and she said call when we surge and they will fit us in!
I pulled myself together, called home and told Jen to find my account information so I could call CCB and place our order. Jen couldn't believe we were going so soon either. I called CCB, they had us down for 2 ICI vials. Again, I was put on hold, holding my breath and praying the whole time that we would still be able to get the donor we wanted. After 5 minutes that seemed like 5 hours, she confirmed our order, said it would be shipped in the morning and arrive by noon on Monday.
I smiled the whole way to Angelos and Hannaford. Then I hand these pangs of "This could not work". Then I reset my brain...I could be pregnant before the end of the month! I text Jenny & R.K...both very excited for us.
Day 12: Saturday, May 7th: Ovulation test shows a faint line...last time I had a faint line I surged the next day! We could be doing an IUI Monday!!!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Days 1-5...again
Day 1-4: April 26th - 29th:
I've never been so excited, ok, maybe once, to start my cycle over again. This one was a killer...not to get graphic but I've never been more physically nauseous, more crampy, had bigger clots, flowed heavier, and just felt plain miserable. Jen told her mom it was Mother Nature's way of saying "Oh yeah, so you're going to be without me for 9 months, well take that bitch"...lol. But everything is in place, check has been sent and cleared and my ultrasound is scheduled for Friday the 6th. It's not Day 12 but of course I would have a day 12 on a Saturday. I damn well better not ovulate on a Sunday!!!
Day 5: April 30th
My first day on Clomid. I looked at Jen and said "down the hatch". Bring on the mood swings, the hot flashes, the bloating...nothing yet. Had a nice talk with Benny today about the whole process. I'm getting so excited!!!
I've never been so excited, ok, maybe once, to start my cycle over again. This one was a killer...not to get graphic but I've never been more physically nauseous, more crampy, had bigger clots, flowed heavier, and just felt plain miserable. Jen told her mom it was Mother Nature's way of saying "Oh yeah, so you're going to be without me for 9 months, well take that bitch"...lol. But everything is in place, check has been sent and cleared and my ultrasound is scheduled for Friday the 6th. It's not Day 12 but of course I would have a day 12 on a Saturday. I damn well better not ovulate on a Sunday!!!
Day 5: April 30th
My first day on Clomid. I looked at Jen and said "down the hatch". Bring on the mood swings, the hot flashes, the bloating...nothing yet. Had a nice talk with Benny today about the whole process. I'm getting so excited!!!
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