I can't stay away from the blog when I have stuff on my mind. So it wasn't totally a lie because I said I'd be back if I had to vent, so here I am.
Sunday sucked! Jen napped til about 1pm (I got hooked on the Glee Project) but after that she got into an LMN jag. Every movie seemed to be about mother's dead or dying, cancer and then the killer was babies. I did not want to watch it so I started puttering around and finally Jen said she'd change the channel. I was hoping this would open a conversation about how I'm feeling but I fought back the tears and thought of better things.
All day yesterday I felt as if I was going to start my period. However, there I was obsessing on boards about PMS vs. early preggo symptoms. UGH! Then I had these pangs of "OMG, I could really be pregnant!" Jen commented last night that I should pick up a pregnancy test when I went out to get popcorn. I tried to be strong and say my period was due to start tomorrow or Wednesday anyway and didn't end up going. Just before bed I went to the bathroom and swore there was a bit of blood on the tissue. I was bummed and paranoid.
When I got up this morning I thought for sure I'd be flowing...nope. Thought I'd be flowing the next 2 times I went. NOPE. Jen asked before leaving for work why I was grumpy. I broke down. She said it will happen, we'll just have to save up, maybe just do one vial this time. I was hoping it would work with BJ! She didn't want to leave, I told her I'd be ok. She said keep busy.
So, here I sit, watching TV, on the computer, not being productive...not staying busy, feeling like I could bleed like a pig any minute now. I need to do something! I want to be growing and nurturing a life inside of me. UGH!
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