Fuck you Mother Nature!

What have I done? Is it because I've waited too long to try to get pregnant? Is it because I fell in love with a woman? Is it because I'm fat? I don't pay my bills on time? What did I do to piss off Mother Nature?????

I believe and always will believe that I was put on this earth to be a mom. I can remember being 6-7 years old and my cousin and I would play house and pretend we were pregnant and having babies. It's always been a dream of mine to experience being pregnant and having a baby and, of course, being a mom. I have always been facinated with pregnant bodies and what it feels like and what childbirth will feel like. Why when I've dreamed so long about something I can't grasp it?

Then there is media. I watch Roseanne as an escape to the funny and there's Crystal giving birth! A commercial comes on and there's Tori & Dean expecting another. I go online and 39 year old Jennifer Garner is expecting #3....WTF!!!! When will it be my turn?

I'm so worried about the financial aspect of trying, I'm worried about the way we are doing this and I'm trying to stay positive but shit it's hard! It hurts! There's no use crying but all I want to do is cry! BJ said Southwest flies out of Georgia real cheap if we can go get him. I'm glad he's so willing.

I need to go do something productive, so I'm off to design bulletin boards for the new school year.