I can't explain the feeling I have...it's like a fire...I want to get mad, but remain optimistic, but am giving up hope but can't give up because I need to hold on to the dream. I'm feeling so much love for Jen and then she drives me crazy in the next moment. I am obsessed, similar to the obsession after the May insemination. I can't seem to do anything productive, instead I lurk on the Babycenter board and blogs about babies. I want to be pregnant so bad!!!! I get pissy everytime I see a pregnant woman, a baby, and now I'm stuck planning a baby shower and having to buy baby things that are not for us! My emotions are in a whirlwind...can you tell?
I watched Back Up Plan with JLo yesterday. It only got one star...I could see why, but I was even bitter when her first insemination took. All I could think was "yeah right...you didn't think it would take and it did...whatever bitch!" I'm so bitter! Right now I'm watching GMA and there is a woman who had a backache and ended up giving birth! WHATEVER! Why can't I be pregnant? Why couldn't I get pregnant on the first try, second try, will the third time be a charm? I'm soooooooooooooooo....ugh I don't know...I can't say I'm frustrated, or even sad, I can't describe this!
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