So, I've been in a total slump for the past 12 days. I thought I would be able to prepare for the worst but hope for the best but instead I was just plain depressed. Jen was just as bummed but both of our true feelings came out when we had Jenny over for dinner. Jen expressed that she was mad at the doctor, that she failed us. I told her she couldn't be mad at the doctor, she should be mad at me because my body failed us. We did make a decision to wait until July to try again, and this time, we aren't telling anyone...we're just going to quietly go about our business then we'll see what happens.
The next day started off better. But then....
...we lost hot water again. I placed a call to Stan, he fixed it, stopped at Sallie's then stopped at our door. Another incident with the dog. Bullshit but I didn't argue because he always takes her side. It was like another kick in the heart. Jen and I talked about what to do then I spent the next 2 hours crying. Why does the universe hate us? What did we do? What can we do? We made arrangements for Bruschi to go with Jenny then I put a rant on facebook about housing. Within a few hours, a co-worker said they had a rental attached to their house in Bangor. The next morning she called me and we went over to look at it. A studio...we're not that desperate! But there was a 2 bedroom, 2nd floor unit that was comparable to our current place. We were just so overwhelmed we couldn't make a decision. After a few days of discussion, we thought, what the hell, let's get away from this bitch. Move in won't be until August but there is a light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel.
I am just so stressed about all that needs to be done. The truck needs to be fixed, which is going to be a bigger job than I think Jen realizes. We pushed it away from the weeds and the back bumper was completely rusted through. We need to find new homes for 4 of our cats. Jenny has agreed to take Fenway...that's one down! Jen wants to keep Cora but that's another $300 we have to come up with. I just want someone to drop a couple thousand dollars in our laps and have everything be taken care of!
I have tons of things that need to be done and I have no desire or energy to do any of them. I've fallen off the "diet" wagon again. No time, it seems, to go to the Y for a workout. I feel crappy, I want to sleep all of the time, and I'm sure I've put some weight back on.
And then there's work...way too much crammed into far too little time. A huge misunderstanding on my part has led to the decision I need to make whether or not to cancel Cabaret Night. I don't think the kids are ready anyway, but they would be more upset if it doesn't happen at all. I still have 1 more concert, a play, class trip, bbq, graduation night.....too much....I'm giving something up next year and rearranging other things. I need to focus on ME!
I just need to get through these next few weeks and then hopefully the stress will lift and all will be right with my world again and I can focus on a baby body and packing for our new life in Bangor.
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