Here we go again

Every few months we seem to go down the same path and have the same "discussion" about having a baby. This one stems from money. Jen (Ms. Independent) had set out on a shopping trip to get black for this weekend's art show in NH. Although there is black clothing in our closet, heaven forbid it should be the right kind, fit, shape, size, etc. I was left at home so she could embark on mission find black with her boss who was taking her daughter shopping for camp. I was slightly bummed that I was not welcome to go shopping but got over it with a dip in the pool and a shady tree. For whatever reason, it's been 90+ every Saturday for about 3 weeks now. Oops, tangent. Anywho, I jumped on the UCU app on my phone for whatever reason to see a $60 charge at TJMaxx. WTF? I angry text Jen and she said she found pants and a pair of shorts. I left it at that only to boil on the inside and burst into tears on the outside. Here we were with a near empty oil tank, a car that who knows what is wrong with it, 3 birthdays, an aunt visit, a deck party and my trip to Boston on the horizon and she's dropping $60 on clothes. I scarfed half of a sandwich and took off to typing up our monthly budget. When Jen got home, there is was on the table. I tried being cold and bitchy but I burst into tears. I hate talking money with her. After I calmed down a little, she wanted to go over said budget. Then came the line I'm so sick of hearing "I know you want to save for a baby, but..." NO BUTS...I'm sick of buts. There is never going to be a right time, enough money, etc....NEVER! Not to mention I'm not getting any younger, yet it's thrown in my face a conversation I had about a student whose mom was 40 when she had her! Make that a healthy, athletic and probably very fertile 40! My soon-to-be 36 year old eggs are sitting in little lazyboy recliners with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other saying "Oh, now you want to play, yeah, we don't want to". By the time we have a good cushion of money or I'm skinny or the time is just right or whatever....my lazyboys are going to have bedsore the size of dinner plates and wouldn't be able to make the journey down a FT if I tempted them with donuts. So, lesson money will once again be saved and I will teach Saturdays if I have to cause damnit I'm having a kid!